How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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