Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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