So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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