yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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