I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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