she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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