We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
