she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize