Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
