bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
