The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
