The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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