So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't deserve a penis
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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