I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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