Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
