this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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