I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My breasts were aching with rage.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
