My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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