You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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