Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
