I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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