you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
