are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
