11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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