I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I did not marry a roomba.
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