I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
