I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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