my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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