I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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