He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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