I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i believe in u and ur pee
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
