No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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