To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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