I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
