Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
