one two three fourrrrnication!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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