It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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