Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
