every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
