I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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