I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize