The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
