Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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