Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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