just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
