So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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