I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize