Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
