This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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