don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
