his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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