He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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