so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
