Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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