I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
