Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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