i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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