i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
