Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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