I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
