Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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