Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
