you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
