I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
