i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
