How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
