i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I want a musical about memes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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