you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
