I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm getting married
To pizza
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize