Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
