whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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