Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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