worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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